Breathe Again || Jake and Teddy

Skype RP: jakexreilly and dr-teddyaltman
      ➥ “I thought you were gone forever." [Word count: 6.7K]

Jake smiled softly at Teddy and took her hands in his,kissing her knuckles as he slowly shook his head. "I’d never leave you like that… I couldn’t do that to you..”

Teddy closed her eyes, allowing herself to sail in his smile for a just moment. She didn’t dare look up at him, for fear that all this wasn’t real. These past weeks, she’d been worried out of her mind, and seeing Jake standing in front of her - it was something else. “Jake, I was so scared…”

Jake pulled her in and hugged her close, “I know… I… I was scared I wouldn’t make it back to you either,” he whispered into her ear, one of his hands tangled in her hair while his other arm was wrapped around her waist, holding her tight. Truth be told, heading to Israel for that conference was clearly the worse decision he’d ever made. Hands down.

Teddy leaned into him, willing herself not to cry. She thought she’d have been happy to have him back, but all she felt was the fear, the crippling fear that came about whenever she realized she couldn’t live without him.

“Never do that to me again,” Teddy said, voice hollow.

“I won’t… Ever again,” he promised quietly and hugged her even tighter. He kissed the side of her head and sighed softly.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” Jake asked after a moment. He was sick of looking at airports and wanted a familiar, comfortable place.

Teddy let him take her hand, and the familiarity grounded her for a few precious moments. She was sick of waiting; now that the wait was over, all she wanted to do was go home. Truth be told, she was exhausted. Missing Jake had drained her like she never imagined it could.

She never wanted to let him go, so she clung to him arm as they made their way across the darkened parking lot.

“You hungry? There isn’t anything to eat at home; I’m sorry.” Teddy hadn’t had the time to drop by the grocery store, for she’d hauled ass to the airport as soon as she heard that Jake had made it.

Jake had to admit, he still wasn’t 100% after what’d happened, and it’d been such a long flight, he was feeling a bit dizzy, lightheaded and disoriented, despite being back home. But he’d been away… held away for six weeks, so he knew he’d have to go through an adjustment period. He swallowed. He was hungry, he was very hungry. Jake had barely eaten over the last few weeks.

As they walked through the parking lot, he tried to hold her as tightly as before, but he was feeling week. At her question, Jake nodded and then kissed her head, “Don’t worry… W-We… We can get take-out on our way home, yeah? Cuddle on the couch? Watch movies?”

If only for a night he needed something to take his mind off what’d happened. He needed something normal that they used to do after an early end to their work day or after coming off double shifts.

Teddy nodded obligingly, happy to give Jake whatever he wanted after all he had been through. She knew the gist of it from Missing Persons, but her mind still teemed with questions - what had happened to him in Israel, and why? She was dying to ask, but something told her that it wasn’t the time.

The tremor in Jake’s hands were more abounding than ever; before, Jake had held her with a strength that planted her firmly in her life, giving her a stability she’d never had before. Now… now, she’d have to be the strong one, the anchor which kept them from drifting apart.

“Movies sound great,” Teddy said, the normalcy tasting strange in her mouth.

Jake smiled at her and kissed her nose, “Great…”

He looked her over closely and sighed. He’d never get tired of her face. In truth, her face was what kept him going during those weeks in hell. When they got to the car, Jake leaned against it heavily, his shoulders sagging as he took a few breaths.

He then pulled Teddy to him very carefully and hugged her again, whispering as he did so, “I love you.” Jake thought he’d never get to whisper those words again.

“I love you, too,” Teddy whispered, and never had truer words been spoken. As the words left her lips, she sealed her promise with a kiss - and all the weeks of worry and isolation left her to be replaced by nothing less than sweet relief.

As Teddy looked closely at Jake, she couldn’t help but notice the new lines carving age into face where it wasn’t due, and her heart hurt to see it. What had this man - this kind, loving, selfles man - done to deserve a horror like this one?

“I’ll drive,” Teddy said, opening the passenger’s side door for Jake. “You rest, and I’ll have us home in no time.”

Jake returned the kiss and sighing softly into it because that was when it clicked in his head that he was definitely home. He pulled away and nodded to her offer to drive. He cupped her cheek a bit and said softly, “Don’t worry, okay? Can I borrow your cellphone? I’ll order dinner that way by the time we get home the delivery is already on its way as well.”

“Good idea,” Teddy said softly, feeling like she as treading on eggshells around him. She dug aorund in her purse for her phone and handed it to Jake with a small smile. Part of her wanted to take all the responsibility into her own hands, but she knew that Jake would hate it if she ever thought of him as fragile - much like she would have been had the situation been reversed.

Teddy gave a humorless laugh as Jake told her not to worry. She’d done nothing but worry these past few weks - hell, she’d barely even slept. It seemed like worry had been ingrained into her very being and etched into her very mind - how could she just let it go?

“Hey,“ he whispered before Teddy could walk away and he kissed her again and continued in a low tone, "I’m home. Everything will be perfectly fine now, okay? Trust me… And don’t feel like you have to tip-toe around me,” he kissed her nose.

She gave a sheepish smile when she realized Jake had caught her out. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”

But it was true - Jake was home. The last piece of the puzzle had finally fallen into place, and everything was as it should be. So why did Teddy feel as though she was caught in a balancing act?

“I know you can’t, that’s what makes you so amazing,” Jake smiled and then whispered, “But I know this has taken a toll on you and I really don’t want it to affect your health… So let’s relax, okay?”

He was playing with her hair as he spoke so as to distract himself and keep him firmly planted with the fact that he was HOME.

Teddy tried to keep her eyes on the road as she made her way home, but it prove to be a tough feat because all she wanted to do was drink it all in - Jake was home, Jake was safe, Jake was alright.

“I’m so glad you’re back. I don’t think I could’ve made it without you.”

Jake watched her and said, “I wouldn’t have left you alone… not forever,” his voice was quiet.

Taking her phone into her hand, he dialed the familiar number to their favorite Chinese food place and he looked to Teddy, “Do you want your usual?” he asked.

Teddy didn’t think she could eat, but she nodded anyway. The road stretched out in front of her, dark and silent, for the city was quiet at this time of night.

“We’re here,” Teddy said softly as she pulled into the driveway.

Jake nodded to her but sat there for a moment, taking it all in. He swallowed hard and his lips uttered silently without his consent, “I’m home… God, I’m home…” He didn’t even realize that a tear was running down his cheek from one of his eyes.

In all the time Teddy had known him, she didn’t think she could remember ever seeing Jake cry. Seeing him, seeing it now - all Teddy wanted to do was hold him in her arms and never let go.

“Yes, you are,” Teddy said, voice lowing with sincerity. Tiptoeing, she planted a kiss on Jake’s parted lips.

At feeling her lips on his, Jake smiled a bit and pulled her close and returned her kiss softly, “Let’s get inside. I hope you didn’t decide to paint the entire house pink while I was gone,” he teased.

His arms wrapped around her still, he led her to the door so Teddy could open up.

“Are you kidding me?” Teddy giggled in spite of herself. “You know I hate pink.”

“Am I going to find glitter all over the place? Because I might not forgive you for that either,” he laughed softly.

“Ugh, stop it!” Teddy rolled her eyes, pushing Jake away playfully. She slid the key into the lock, and breathed in the familiar scent of home.

He laughed and sighed as they walked into the house. He felt his eyes well up with tears again. Jake couldn’t believe he was home again. Quietly he walked into the house, touching a few things as he went, he was in somewhat of a daze as he looked around. Was he really happening or was this another dream?

Teddy watched silently as Jake wandered around the living room. The pictures on the shelves had mocked her in these weeks past - Teddy had turned them around so she wouldn’t have to see Jake staring back at her when all she could do was worry. Those photographs stood for better times, happier times - a time where everything was as it should be, and horrible things didn’t carve rifts between them.

“You okay?” Teddy asked.

Jake inhaled deeply before nodding slowly, “I’m fine… I just… Making sure this isn’t a dream.” He looked back at Teddy and managed a smile, “C'mere, babe…” He held his arms open to her.

“It’s not a dream,” Teddy said, feeling as though she were reassuring herself more than anything. Making her way across the hardwood floor where Jake stood with his arms to welcome her, she felt an overwhelming sense of safety she’d been missing for so, so long. “I love you, Jake. I love you so much.”

Jake hugged her as tightly as he could and kissed her forehead several times. “I love you too, So much Teddy… You… You kept me going, over there. Without you, I wouldn’t be here… I wouldn’t have made it… Thank you for being there. Thank you for loving me,” Jake whispered into her ear.

“What happened?” Teddy blurted, horror bubbling up in her chest like bile. “I hate to ask… but I have to know. What happened to you? They wouldn’t tell me anything.

Jake swallowed and replied, "Let’s eat dinner first, and… Then I’ll tell you everything.”

“Okay… okay,” Teddy conceded, taking note of the uncharacteristic fear in Jake’s eyes. “Sorry.” Just then, the doorbell rang. “Looks like we just beat our dinner home,” she teased.

“Never apologize,” he kissed her forehead and then chuckled a bit at what she’d said, “Looks like it. I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow morning,” he promised with a wink.

Teddy was brought back through the vista of weeks to when they’d spent a morning in LA, cooking breakfast to the light of the morning sun. It seemed like such a long time ago now. “I’ll hold you to that!“

"I expect you to,” Jake called back and laughed. He walked into the kitchen while she got the food.

He grabbed some plates and such and brought them into the living room. For a moment, he’d forgotten everything that happened. For a moment, everything was normal and he wasn’t afraid anymore. For a moment, Jake was happy again. Completely happy… He set up their places on the coffee table and then stood there waiting.

Curling up on the couch, Teddy patted the space next to her a pulled a woolen throw across her shoulders. “Come on. I think ‘Scandal’ is on tonight.”

Slowly, Jake sat down, wincing as he went, “Wake me up if I fall asleep, okay? It won’t be because of you if I do, I just… I’m not all there anymore,” Jake admitted to Teddy. He prayed she wouldn’t be upset.

It seemed as though Teddy understood Jake better than she’d have thought. But the truth was, she’d been just as beaten down by her own life as Jake had been. She had memories of Iraq she wished she could forget, but right now they served her well in telling her what to say. Teddy knew she wouldn’t wake Jake up if he did fall asleep, but she nodded anyway. “You’ll come back to me. I know it.”

“I’ll always come back,” he promised and took her hand, having sat down, “But until then, would it be… Selfish of me to ask you to wait for me?” he swallowed.

“No. Not at all,“ Teddy whispered, her heart breaking with every word. Clasping Jake’s hands between her own, she made a silent promise - that she would never leave, no matter what. She hoped that Jake knew that.

"But I love you, and I will come back. I promise,” he whispered and kissed her lips. Jake squeezed her hands a moment before letting go, “Dinner?” he leaned forward and began unpacking things and serving her plate with her favorite things inside.

“Just make sure you take your time,” Teddy murmured against his lips. Taking the plate from his hands, Teddy managed to choke down a few pieces of sweet and sour chicken.

“I really missed this, Jake,” she said, and it was true - these weeks, she’d missed every part of him, especially when the lonely nights fell upon her shoulders.

Jake handed her a glass of water when she choked slightly just in case she needed it. Once she was okay, he said, “I really, really, did too, Teddy.” Taking a breath, he looked over at her, “At least we don’t have to worry about it anymore. We’re okay. We’ll be perfectly fine,” he winked at her.

It amazed her just how resilient Jake always seemed to be. While Teddy held on to her past like a lifeline, Jake seemed so ready to let it all go. It was one of the many things she loved about him.

I hope so, Teddy thought, but didn’t say. She couldn’t bear to hope, because she’d learned the hard way that crushed hope was the worse grief of all.

He began eating after watching her. Jake’s mind had shut down for the time being. It was giving him a small respite while he healed physically. He was numbed to everything that’d happened for now and for that he was thankful.  Jake wouldn’t tell Teddy how much pain he was in, or the fact that he felt as if a truck had run him over. He wanted to sleep into next year if it meant he could get rid of the exhaustion. He pounding headache on the side of his head increased every time he spoke and he was positive that it was time to change the bandages around his midsection. But Teddy didn’t know the extent of his injuries and he didn’t want to add to his stress. Jake sighed, putting aside his plate and rubbing his face.

Teddy looked up from her food when she heard the weary sigh slip from Jake’s cracked lips. “Are you tired, baby?” she asked. “Want to head to bed?” She didn’t want Jake to feel like he had to maintain a semblance of normalcy just for her - she knew first-hand just how exhausting it could be to keep smiling through the pain. And it looked as though Jake had physical pains to contend with as well as mental ones - just how badly had he been hurt in Israel?

Teddy felt a feral protectiveness boil up in her, and she knew she’d raise hell just to get back at the people who’d taken Jake away from her. And she hadn’t even seen his scars…

Jake looked up at the sound of Teddy’s voice and sighed again. Goodness how he had missed the sweet sound of her voice. He shook his head at her question and found himself whispering, “I promised you dinner and a movie…”

He didn’t just want to just go off to bed after telling her they’d spend some time together. Six weeks was a bloody long time, and he wasn’t going to give in to his body’s instinctual need now. When he finally had Teddy so close.

Jake looked up at the sound of Teddy’s voice and sighed again. Goodness how he had missed the sweet sound of her voice. He shook his head at her question and found himself whispering, “I promised you dinner and a movie…”

He didn’t just want to just go off to bed after telling her they’d spend some time together. Six weeks was a blood long time, and he wasn’t going to give in to his body’s instinctual need now. When he finally had Teddy so close.

Nestling her head in the crook of his arm, Teddy managed to chase away her thoughts for a while. Though the screen blazed with color, none of it held any meaning to her, because all she could think of was Jake by her side. Her breathing slowed, as did her heartbeat - keeping pace, it seemed, with the heart that beat aligned beside her.Without thinking about it, Teddy leaned in for a kiss, her soul starved for the affection she’d been missing for so long now.

Jake was deep in his thoughts. Deep as in there was no getting him out as he stared blankly at the screen before him, images of the show moving quickly. He was exhausted. And plaguing his mind at that very moment were memories of Israel. In truth, he barely felt it when Teddy nestled close to him, but he did feel himself become just a bit warmer all over.

Her kiss caught him by total surprise for that reason but Jake returned it almost hungrily. He missed her. Goodness, nobody would ever understand how much he missed her and he had a feeling that her kisses would be what kept him grounded when things went wayward. Jake pulled away when they were both short on air. He pressed his forehead to hers, their noses touching while they tried to catch their breaths.

The scent of his skin held her in an embrace so close to perfect. “Please don’t leave me,” she breathed, desperation etched plainly on her face. “I don’t think I’d make it, if you left me alone again.”

Faintly, Teddy slumped onto Jake’s shoulder, the tension in her muscles fading with every breath. She hadn’t known she was so tired, but she supposed the many wakeful nights had taken their toll on her.

In spite of herself, Teddy found her eyes sliding shut. She wanted more than anything to hold on to that moment, to make it last, but the heaviness blighting her body weighed her down into sleep. The weariness of many weeks, compounded into a night where her worry was relieved - well, who could blame her?

Jake watched as Teddy fell asleep and he carefully lifted Teddy into his arms when he realized she was completely out and carefully carried her off to bed despite the pain and despite how weak he felt. He wasn’t about to needlessly spend another night without her by his side and sleeping on the couch would more than likely kill her neck.

He changed her into something more comfortable and tucked her in. He desperately needed a shower. Jake came back to bed about 20 minutes later and was immediately out for the count as well.

As she slept, Teddy felt a peace in her mind that had been so long absent that it seemed unfamiliar. This sleep was deep with the reassurance that she wouldn’t wake up to an empty bed in the morning, and that her mind would not fill with the fear of abandonment if she woke in the middle of the night.

All of a sudden, the restless sleep that plagued her for many a fitful night made itself known once again. The covers were ripped from her grip, exposing her to the stale, drafty air of the bedroom they shared. Through the struggling haze of wakefulness, Teddy made out Jake’s screams over the sound ofher own pounding heart.

“Jake - Jake!” Teddy shook him, eyes wide and fearful. “What’s wrong? Please, Jake -  it’s okay, I’m here, it isn’t real!”

In Jake’s mind, he was replaying everything that was happening. Everything he saw in Israel, everything he was forced to see, everything that was done to him and everything he was forced to do. It all hit him hard like a tone of bricks the instant he’d closed his eyes. He was reliving every single bit of it and he felt like he was suffocating. Jake gasped for air but even that felt stiff. There wasn’t air around for him to breathe. He screamed out for them to stop. He screamed out for them to not torture her. He screamed out for them not to kill her…But nothing was working. Then he saw Teddy. And one of the men had Teddy and that’s when he fought. He fought as hard as he could, tooth and nail to get Teddy back, but nothing was working. Jake felt as if he was trying to move through an ocean of molasses and quicksand. An ocean that was also trying to drown him.

From a far, he could hear Teddy calling to him, but he could also hear her screaming and crying in his head. Jake couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t anymore…

“Jake, Jake…” Teddy sobbed. “Stop it; you’re scaring me! Please, wake up, please.” Teddy was begging of thin air for Jake to come back to her, because the terror at being unable to do anything was abounding.

She knew he was dreaming. It was a feeling she was intimately familiar with; the blur of memory and reality, fear and sanity. Her recollections of Iraq had come to haunt her in the very same way, but she hadn’t for a moment thought that Jake’s horrors ran just as deep.

The thoughtless murmurings fell from her lips, and Teddy could only hope that he could hear her.

Jake continued to gasp for air, “T-Ted… Ted…dy” he mumbled in a panicked state as he thrashed around still, though a bit less than before. He let out a loud whimper and a cry as if someone was hurting him and then he cried out,

“N-No! No… NO! D-Don-Don’t… Don’t…” He sobbed again and continued fighting.

Jake’s struggles we becoming increasingly physical, and Teddy’s slight frame wasn’t built to contend to his. She didn’t want to hurt him, but Teddy couldn’t bear to see Jake hurt himself.

“Wake up,” Teddy willed, steel in her voice. “Wake up, Jake. It’s all right, you’re safe. You’re home. I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. I’ll never let you go.”

In the army, Teddy had learned that a big part of being brave was pretending to be. They taught her that the world would respect her if she was brave, though she hadn’t known the meaning of that word back then.

She knew now that being brave was staying strong when the people she loved started to fall, and keeping her head up when she had never felt more alone. She had to be strong - if not for herself, for him.

Suddenly, something snapped in Jake and it all fell away to a dark room. Jake’s dark eyes snapped opened and he could see a fuzzy image of someone and after a moment he realized it was Teddy. It was Teddy. Teddy was there. Jake sat up suddenly, gasping for air erratically and trying to figure out what was going on. He was sweating profusely and his limbs felt so sore. The pain all over his body had tripled the amount from before and he almost wanted to cry from the pain.

But the first thing that came out of his mouth was, “D-Did… Did I hurt you?” his voice was a whisper and it was broken.

He had hurt her, but not in the way he thought he had. While Teddy’s skin bore nothing but cold sweat from the fear instilled in her, her heart felt as though it had been trampled on. Teddy hated seeing the pain of others, because nothing made her feel more helpless.

“No… no, Jake, don’t say that. You didn’t hurt me. You know you never would,” Teddy said quietly. But while her words bore reassurances, Teddy shurnk back, not wanting to do anything that might send Jake back into his delirious terror.

Jake swallowed and watched her closely. He knew Teddy. He knew HIS Teddy. He also knew that she’d probably never tell him if he had accidentally hurt her because she would want to try and protect him. Jake watched as she shrank back and his heart clenched… Maybe he had hurt her.

Jake quickly got up from the bed, afraid to even touch her and he grabbed his pillow and whispered, “I’ll just… I’ll sleep on the couch, don’t worry…”

“No…no!” Teddy said, desperate sadness creeping into her voice, but she knew Jake wasn’t going to stay if he feared he would hurt her. “You promised, Jake. You promised you wouldn’t leave me again. Please, talk to me. Tell me why you’re hurting.”

Jake had been halfway to the door when he heard her speak. He paused and took a breath, “I-I…” he sighed. “You don’t want to hear this, baby…” Jake whispered, closing her eyes tightly at the thought of all of the dark things he saw.

“I do,” Teddy breathed. “I have to know. Jake, it’s killing me - all I want is to be able to help you.” And who knew… maybe Teddy could even understand his pain. The brokenness they shared was a tribute to the dangerous days they’d both faced; Teddy’s scars had faded into quietude, but Jake’s were fresh and they screamed of the damage Israel had done to him.

Jake swallowed hard and nodded. He took a deep breath, “I…”

His shoulders sagged as he turned and slowly sat down next to her on the bed. He didn’t say anything for a long while, his mind was just reeling with thoughts that were fuzzy. Jake couldn’t think of what to say or how to say it.

“I don’t know where to start,” Jake admitted quietly.

“Then start from the beginning. I know it’s not a story, but… tell it like it is,” Teddy said softly, trying to offer any reassurance she could. She took Jake’s hand.

“Here, I’ll start for you. You left me at the airport. It was raining, of course, and you promised me you’d call as soon as you got there. What happened next?”

Jake nodded slowly, listening to Teddy begin the story. He frowned slightly as he suddenly remembered, “I never called, did I…?”

He couldn’t even remember if he’d called her to let her know he’d arrived. That’s how screwed up his memory of things was. Days blurred together as did memories. Six weeks was such an incredibly long time…

The last thing Teddy wanted to do was rush him, but her mind hungered for the answers to the questions she’d been asking for so long. As Jake lapsed back into his dark place, Teddy couldn’t help but feel like he was still lost to her, though their hearts beat so close.

“I don’t blame you,” Teddy said, eyes wide with sorrow.

Jake dropped his gaze and held Teddy’s hand just a bit more tightly and whispered, “I-I arrived and I was hungry so on my way to the hotel, I stopped at a small restaurant to get dinner… I-I don’t know what happened. One moment I was talking to the waiter, he was asking me what I did for a living. I told him Iw as a doctor.. Next thing I know, there’re guns being held to me and they’re yelling in broken English..”

His breathing quickened slightly. He remembered the that night so perfectly…

Teddy swallowed hard, willing herself to be strong - if not for herself, for Jake. He needed her bravery more than ever now.

“They had guns?” Teddy whispered. She’d known this much from what little information Missing Persons had provided her with, but she’d never really wanted to believe it until now.

Jake swallowed hard and nodded, “Y-Yeah, they did… When,” he bit his lip, refusing to look at Teddy because it was too hard. Truly, he didn’t want to bring this darkness on Teddy, especially when she was still battling her own demons most nights. He didn’t want to tell her what he saw or what they did, but he knew that she also had a right to know.

“When it seemed like I was refusing to go with them… They, God, they were ruthless and it was all my fault,” his voice cracked and shook, “They shot a woman’s child…” Jake put his head in his hands.

Closing her eyes, Teddy tried to fend off the graphic images rising in her head - Jake’s words mixing with her own memories. The collateral damage she’d witnessed in Iraq was all coming back - body bags too large to house the frail, shrunken frames of desperate children.

“Oh - oh,” Teddy gasped, tears rising up it her. “Oh, Jake. It wasn’t your fault. None of this was your fault, you hear me?”

As Jake collapsed under the weight of his own demons, Teddy cradled his head. She hoped and wished that the pain might come to pass, but knew it never would.

Jake let out a loud sob when he felt Teddy come closer and cradle his head. He blamed himself. Of course this was all his fault. That toddler would’ve still been alive if he’d just agreed to go with the men from the start.

His arms wrapped around Teddy’s midsection as he cried into her lap. He should be ashamed, but the pain of the memories covered even that and his embarrassment.

There was nothing Teddy could do but hold him as he cried, lending him her strength where he had none. But was her strength going to be enough for both of them?

“I love you, Jake. Everything will be okay, I promise,” Teddy murmured. In that moment, she didn’t care that her words were more than empty - only that she could tide Jake over, just for tonight.

Jake nodded a bit and sat up slowly, he pulled Teddy to him and buried his face into her neck as he held her close, “I love you too, Teddy. So much,” he mumbled into her neck and breathed in deeply. He was safe. Everything was safe… He was home.

Teddy woke abruptly, the muscles in her back screaming protests from the way she’d been sleeping all night. Without meaning to, she’d fallen asleep before Jake had, even though he exhaustion extended far beyond hers.

Careful not to jostle Jake as she rose, Teddy padded across the cold floorboards to find a pen and paper.

Jake,
I went out to get us some breakfast. I’ll be back before you know it. Don’t worry, okay?
Teddy

She hated leaving him even for a moment now she finally had him back, but she took a resolute breath before heading out into the cold Seattle morning. It wasn’t until he realized he was lacking the body warmth of Teddy, that Jake startled awake. It took him a moment to orient himself. He wasn’t in the desert and he wasn’t sleeping on sand. Everything was okay. Everything would be fine… But where was Teddy?

He got up, wincing in pain as all of his bruises and muscles complained for him to get back to bed. He ignored it well enough and looked around. He spotted Teddy’s note and smiled a bit. She’d be back… She’d be right back. He took that moment to take a shower and change, hoping to be done before she was back. He didn’t want her to see the extent of battery on his body.

Teddy arrived home while the water was still running, having sprinted to the corner and back for bagels. Shoving the key in the lock, she wasted no time in crossing the threshold and looking in the direction of the couch. When her eyes met the rumpled blankets but not Jake, her heart started beating a little faster in her chest.

“Jake?” Teddy called. “Jake, where are you?”

While Jake was in the shower, he heard Teddy calling for him. He quickly turned off the water and came out slowly. “In the shower, Teds!” He called back, grabbing his towel and gingerly drying himself off quickly.

“Okay,” Teddy said, breathing a sigh of relief she hadn’t even known she was holding. Though she had bagels, cream cheese, muffins and coffee to unpack, Teddy couldn’t do anything but give herself over to idleness as she waited for Jake. These weeks had made her anxious beyond simple worry - if she was being honest with herself, it had made her a little crazy. Now, all she could do was pray that Jake would hurry up, so she wouldn’t have to let him out of her sight for a second.

Jake got dried up and dressed as quickly as he could. He stepped out in jeans and a gray t-shirt a moment later and he smiled at Teddy, “Good morning,” he walked over and kissed her forehead, “I just have to shave, is that alright? I think that if my beard grows any more they’ll put me in the running for world’s longest beard,” he chuckled a bit.

Teddy gave Jake a wan smile before turning to their breakfast. She missed the days when she’d wake to a freshly made breakfast, with not a care in the world but getting to work on time. Now, it was like she had to shoulder a world of worry with every word she said.

“Breakfast is ready - I’m sorry, it isn’t much. I just didn’t want you to have to cook today,” Teddy called.

Jake paused at the entrance to the bedroom and smiled a bit, “Don’t worry about it. How about we go food shopping after breakfast, pick some stuff up?”

Jake felt his heart tighten. He could see her practically walking on eggshells around him and that was the last thing he wanted. 

Nodding dispassionately, Teddy leaned over the countertop to give Jake a kiss. It was so familiar, yet so wrong - his chin was as smooth as it always was, but Jake didn’t turn his head to return her kiss; her hands weren’t searching like they usually did, for Teddy feared Jake was fragile enough for her to break him.

“How did you sleep, after…?” Teddy let her question falter as she pulled away.

“I…” Jake swallowed, “Better…” He reached around for Teddy’s hand and brought her close to him, “I’m sorry I put you through that. It won’t happen again,” he promised. He’d fight like hell so that it wouldn’t.

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything,” Teddy said, biting her lip. Passing him a cup of watered-down coffee, Teddy sipped her own and made a face in an attempt to lighten things up. “Bleurgh. That’s really nasty.”

There was something about the simple pleasure of having breakfast in the kitchen with the man she loved so much that put something right with Teddy’s world - if only just one piece of the puzzle. In spite of herself, she managed a smile that reached her eyes for the very first time.

Jake sipped the coffee and grinned, laughing a bit, “It’s not bad,” he promised. He leaned in and stole a kiss from Teddy. “You okay?” he asked her, noting the pensive look on her face.

“Yeah,” Teddy murmured, not meeting his eyes, for she knew her worries were far overshadowed by Jake’s troubles. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t mind me, I’m just… tired.”

“Hey,” he lifted her chin gently and asked, “Tell me what’s wrong, hmm? What’s going through your eyes?” he kissed her nose.

“It doesn’t matter,” Teddy said firmly, her resolve hardening. She would put herself aside so she could take up her duty - it was what she’d been taught in the army, to put others first.

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed instantly. Now he was a bit worried, “Teddy.” He said firmly.

“What?” Teddy muttered defensively, biting her lip.

“Tell me what’s going through that beautiful head of yours, hmm?” He softened his tone just a bit.

“You don’t want to know,” Teddy sighed, wide-eyed and regretful.

“I do, or I wouldn’t have asked,” he put aside his mug and wrapped around his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

She couldn’t say it. Not now. Not when Jake needed her so much more than she needed him. But the words were persistent - she could feel the truth burning away at her tongue, voice creeping up her throat just waiting to be spoken.

“I haven’t slept through the night since you were gone. I still can’t, because I kept waking up to make sure you were still there. I don’t want to let you go, Jake - I can’t.”

Jake pulled her close for a hug, very carefully squeezing her, “I’m right here, Teddy. Right here, and I’m not going anywhere.,” he promised her quietly.

“How can you be sure?” Teddy whispered desperately. “I never thought something like this would happen, but it did. I didn’t think the world would be so cruel, and I’ve seen my share of cruel things.”

“But I came back to you, didn’t I? You’ve gotta have faith that I’ll always come back to you,” he said gently.

“I guess you’re right,” Teddy said doubtfully. Jake had a knack of saying exactly the right thing, and she had always been grateful for that. But in spite of his reassurances, Teddy couldn’t put her worry out of her mind.

“Okay, seeing as I haven’t been able to convince you, let me shave off this beard and we can go buy groceries, okay?” Jake offered.

At this, Teddy just had to smile. Her green eyes twinkled as the joke thawed her out - she’d missed this. “Sounds good.”

“Great,” he kissed her head again and walked off to shave really quick so that they could go. He’d grown tired of the damned beard and was really glad when it was gone 20 minutes later. He came out, clean shaven and with a flannel shirt over his short-sleeved v-neck, “Ready to go?” He reached out for Teddy’s hand.

“Yes,” Teddy said, subdued, just about managing to smile again. Taking his hand in hers, she couldn’t help but think of how this was such a far cry from the past couple weeks. No longer did she feel lost or adrift - she was grounded at last from her unwilling flight by Jake’s strength come home.