blondexhurricane:

teddyaltmcn:

Teddy  rocked   back  and  forth  on  the
hospital bed,  her gown hanging loosely
on her slight frame. It didn’t matter how
many times Delia asked — her answer
would always be the same.

                I want my baby. Give me back my baby.
                She’d lost a husband; she’d lost a child.
                And  somewhere  along  the way, she’d
                lost  h e r s e l f .

“Remember when I was little and I kept getting
yelled at during dance class? Like, remember
when it got so  b a d  that all I wanted to do was
up and quit, because I just didn’t feel like I was
ever going to be good enough anymore?” Delia
knew that her situation wasn’t the same, but it
was the best analogy she could come up with in
that moment. “You were literally the  o n l y  one
who was able to get through to me and convince
me not to give up. Honestly, If it wasn’t for you, I
probably wouldn’t have been able to be a soldier
and fight my way through it all. I’d just never have
danced again and then completely regretted it now.”

                A soft sigh left her lips as Delia found herself wondering
                if she was even making much sense anymore. “I guess
                what I’m trying to say is that while you have every right
                to take as long as you need to grieve, you’re eventually
                going to have to pick yourself up and brush yourself off.
                You did it when the hippos took Dad away, and you can
                 do it again now. It won’t ever be any easier, but at least
                you’ll have a solid support system. It might be too soon
                to say this, but you and Jake can always try again. And
                as for me, I guess it wouldn’t be all that bad if I lived at
                home for the rest of my life. It’d at least save us a hell
                of a lot of money, that’s for sure. So, come on. What do
                you say? Do you think you can find it in yourself to be a
                soldier again? Or fake it until you finally start to believe
                anyway, at least?”

Somewhere  in  her  daughter’s words, Teddy found
some meaning once again. It wasn’t what Delia had
said,  but the  way she had said it; not the words, but
the  love  that  she had  spoken in. Just knowing that
she  wasn’t alone  was a  g i f t  in  itself, and  Teddy
knew  she had to take it. She’d  had a hell of a lot  of
practice  setting a  place at the table for grief, and  a
hell of a lot of practice faking a smile when she was
anything  but  okay.  It  was  a long way back  to the
place  she  called  home, where  her eyes had once
held   a   truthful   smile   instead  of   tears   —   but
she had to  t r y , at least,  if she ever were to make
it. For Delia.  For  Jake.  She  owed it to them not to
bend and break.

           “I   —  I can be a soldier,”  Teddy  whispered,
              her  voice   as  beaten  as  it  had  ever  been.
              But  it  wasn’t enough. She’d  always  known
              that about  herself  —  that  she’d  once been
              brave  —  but  it  wouldn’t  help  her  at  all  if
              she couldn’t be  b r a v e  now. Trying  again,
              s t r o n g e r   this time, she willed: “I am a
              soldier.”  Sometimes,  just  pretending  to be
              okay  was  the  way  she  showed  how  truly
              brave she could be — resilience in  the face
              of   adversity,   and   her reluctance  to  cave.
              There   was  something  great   about   those
              ordinary   acts  of   bravery:   just  the  act of
              getting  out  of  bed in  the  morning,  smiling
              and  meaning  it  when  it seemed as though
              she had  no  reason to — bravery, when she
              had nothing left to lose.