What Hurts The Most || Teddy and Arizona

drxdimples:

If it were anyone else in her position, they probably wouldn’t have been able to tell that the woman was far from fine. Well they may have been able to seeit from her disheveled appearance, but they would not have known the reason why or even just cared about it enough to ask why.

But Arizona wouldn’t let her friend allow herself tobe consumed by the grief that could take over her entire being. She had experienced the grief when she had lost her brother, it was natural to fall into the emotions of missing a loved one. Letting it get in the way of everyday responsibilities and even the hygiene was where she had to draw the line for her friend. She wouldn’t let her best friend to slip into the darkness of loss, she could let Teddy feel the emotions, but she wouldn’t let her do it all by herself.

“Teddy - since when do I listen to you?” She gave her friend a gentle smile as she looked at her and shook her head.

The sadness in her best friend’s eyes, she knew that she needed her, but Arizona knew that Teddy wouldn’t admit it. She was too stubborn to admit it, even if she wanted to tell her. Her best friend was strong and she’d rarely ever seen her friend give in to anything that even resembled weakness.

“If your home is a representation of you being fine - I can see that you’re nowhere near it.” She went over to her friend carefully and slowly pulled her into a gentle hug. “You and I are definitely hanging out tonight.” She paused before pulling back from the embrace,

“So are we going out or am I helping you clean up your house?” She teased as she looked at her best friend.

As much as she loathed admitting it, Arizona was right. But the despondence in her fragile eyes only grew deeper, for there was a certain helplessness that came with the grief. How was she going to make it through in the daylight, when her heart and her soul were nowhere near alright? 

Each night, she traded sleep to gaze at Henry’s side of the bed, where the cracks in her heart had let the nightmares fall through. She could only remember the things she wished to forget, and it’d beaten her down like nothing else could. 

“Please, Arizona —just leave me be,” Teddy muttered, hoping beyond hope that her friend wouldn’t see through the lies. No, she didn’t want to be alone; just the opposite, in fact — but regret’s bitter voice in her mind told her she wouldn’t ever be happy again. And if it were true, why should she even try?

And so she turned her head like a flower turning away from the sun — her way of saying that she was refusing this life. After all, her denial only served to let her live another day in Henry’s arms. It was the end of the world as she knew it, and she could no longer find it in herself to face the day after he was gone.

“I don’t want you here, Arizona,” she hissed, her hurt taking the form of cruelty. Though her mind screamed for her friend to stay — to ask Arizona to hold her, to tell her everything would be okay — Teddy’s heart willed her to keep saying those horrible things. She wasn’t weak; she needed to show it. “I don’t need you. Just get out, please.”