I still worry about the weather and I’m sick to death of rain
And these panic attacks do nothing for my tired and swollen brain
My days aren’t getting better, I’m still numbing all the pain
I lost my mind and all my hope in feeling fine again.
WRITTEN BY ANGIE
Anemophobia || Teddy and Owen
My days aren’t getting better, I’m still numbing all the pain
I lost my mind and all my hope in feeling fine again.
This was a desperate time for a mind that couldn’t seem to pry itself away from the past. Teddy had been plagued by the demons that followed her from Iraq for months now, and no less was her pain.
She’d tried it all - the little white pills that helped her sleep had weighed her down with the nightmares and memories, and the songs that had tried to drown out her screaming thoughts had failed, so loud was the noise of her mind.
Such was her fear of the time gone by that Teddy had allowed it to reach her work in the OR. The routine CABG had gone badly wrong; whether by her own hand, Teddy would never know. She’d sworn time and time again that the only thing worse than a bad surgeon was a scared one - how was it that she’d let what she was scared of come so near?
Out of her scrubs, Teddy was no longer a soldier. A shell of the person she once was, she walked the halls like a ghost, drifting between the fine lines of the present and past. Now, as beaten and broken down as she’d ever been, Teddy had never been more in need of a friend.
And who could she call? Who would possibly understand what those years out in the desert had taken from her?
Teddy was surprised that the revelation took her so long. Of course it would be him. Dialing the familiar numbers, she closed her eyes and said the words, bitterly aggrieved.
“Owen… I need you.”
Anemophobia
by Deaf Havana
The Ice Is Getting Thinner || Charlotte And Teddy
Charlotte wasn’t sure what the hell made her move up to Seattle on impulse. She was leaving behind absolutely everything. However, she figured she’d have more of an opportunity there. Sighing, she took a breath and put on her best face. It was her fourth month there and she was slowly making a name for herself as urologist and a urology surgeon. Soon she’d open up a practice on sexology too and things would be going to plan…
But damn, she was lonely. She was never one to really harp on emotions or anything of the sort, but she could feel the difference of not having people from the practice there. Everyone here was so put together and gelled. All of these doctors knew each other somehow, they all had a history and knew each other well.. She felt like an outsider again and she wasn’t sure if she was willing to let herself be open and vulnerable in order to gain friends. Charlotte walked down to the cafeteria for some coffee and accidentally bumped int a surgeon she’d seen around the hospital a few times.
She quickly apologized, “Sorry, I wasn’t payin’ attention to where I was goin’,” she said. Charlotte realized it was her fault, so she’d apologized. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have.
There was a difference between being alone and being lonely; Teddy suspected she was both. Part of her reveled in the solitude - internalizing everything and pretending it didn’t exist was the only way she knew how to cope with the pain. But the other, human part of her screamed for companionship; it yearned to be held, to concede to her weakness and share this burden with someone else.
A hot slash across her forearm jolted Teddy out of her bleak pondering; looking up, she saw that the sleeve of her white lab coat was soaked through with coffee.
“Whoops! Oh, don’t worry about it,” Teddy smiled amiably, raising her gaze to the shorter woman standing in front of her. The cheer in her voice betrayed none of the turmoil slicing her mind to shreds; blood on her hands, the scent of explosives, and that taste of sand in her mouth that could have choked her. “Say, aren’t you Dr. King? I don’t think I’ve met you properly yet. I’m Dr. Altman - most people call me Teddy.”
The Ice Is Getting Thinner || Charlotte And Teddy
We’re not the same, dear, as we used to be.
These days, Teddy had taken to giving herself over to hate. Hatred for the war, hatred for the state that she’d found herself unceremoniously dumped in. Seattle - it wasn’t right, and Teddy couldn’t have felt more out of place.
As the days dragged on into weeks, Teddy had been horrified to discover that the horrors of Iraq had failed to leave her be; if she were to be stripped down to her soul, she was first and foremost a fighter. Even here, even in a place where she should have been safe, Teddy’s guards were up from the moment she opened her eyes to the moment she ceased to wake.
Teddy knew all too well that only one could fall to the hunt. And although the strength had never left her, Teddy was letting herself become the prey. She knew it all too well because she’d felt herself flinch at the sight of blood, and seen her fingers shake over a patient open on the table.
A surgeon could not afford to be afraid.
And through all this, she was alone. Who wanted a resentful, broken soul as a friend?
Bullet || Mark and Teddy
So if I survive, then I’ll see you tomorrow. Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow.
The crack of the bullet shattering the air was a sound Teddy never thought she’d have to hear again. But as it tore through her eardrums, screamed through her veins, all she could think was that these things would never change.
She’d come to Seattle to escape the terrors Iraq had scalded into her mind; mutilated children, broken homes and the relentless sun. When Owen had called her up after all those years, the welcome relief had been like nothing she’d ever experienced. She didn’t care where she went, so long as she left behind all her fears; not easy, when what you feared was fear itself.
And that shot, that earsplitting snap she’d know anywhere… it brought everything back. Though the linoleum was cool under her skin, all Teddy could feel was her body on the hot sand and death all around her.
In her bravery, she’d found her pain. In her strength, she found the only thing that could make her crumble. And in the light of this crucial moment, all she could do was scream.
This would be so much easier at St. Ambrose, where she was the boss and could actually get away with doing things her way, threatening people into silence. Here she didn’t have that luxury, the blessing that was having just a little bit of control in a terrible situation.
She looked up at her friend, finally. Look people in the eye, Charlotte King. You’ve nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. A nod was all she offered Teddy, a small concession.
It spoke to how beaten down Charlotte was that she would concede without a fight. Teddy knew this woman well enough to know that she was a mercenary of the likes of a soldier whose wounds she’d bound in the war. Tooth and nail, Teddy thought. That was how hard they’d fought to stand their ground.
“Come on, girl,” Teddy murmured, injecting every ounce of her steel into her voice, vainly hoping to draw strength from sheer will. Crouching beside Charlotte’s crumpled frame, Teddy extended her lean arm so as to help her up. “Can you stand?”
